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I have a time to do my work such as the knitting projects that I need to get done, there again just being a "procrastinator". Then soon I will be starting school again, that will be great being the way that I am, wonderful. I can't be this a way I'll never get anything done, but on lighter note, lately I have been on facebook. Conversing and talking to old friends, of course relatives too, you gotta love them. It has been real nice to get in touch with people, but then there is the chatter box where you can actually have conversations over the Internet.

Now at first I thought that was fantastic and fun, but then the more and more I got to be on the darn thing, it seemed all the time. Me! I am not much of a relater, I like my friends don't get me wrong, there are certain ones that immediately jumps on the chatter box often too much and it makes me want to throw my computer out the window. Each time I get on the account I have to check if there is someone I know that has this problem of wanting to chatter on for along time. And I know that I have a choice to respond back or not, then again the guilt? I can't get past the guilt and I know I can be a bitch or a meany, preferably a meany would be better.

I had to explain to one fella that I am a loner and I like my quiet time where no one bothers me and I can enjoy looking at my friends photos to put comments up on their wall. I don't mind the comments we leave to one another, that doesn't bother me. It's just that I have kids that I have to tend to and having conversations on the chatter thing makes it tough to concentrate on my kiddos. They need my attention, they need me more than those that I haven't seen or even talked to for a long time.

Now the friends that hardly ever go on the chatter box is certainly a friend of mine, I have facebook buddies that are on line and they don't bother me. It seems that they know we need our space or they just don't care which is fine with me cause that tells me that we are on the same page. So I hate to bother those that are on line, because you never know they might feel the same way as I do.

I, myself am a loner been that way for awhile and I do not mind it at all, I do sometimes miss the comforts of a man in my life, at times I really do miss it. But I am content for now to having my kids and my self, weird ya think? I don't, it's the way things go with certain people, I may change my mind you never know, situations in my life may change to a life that requires having a significant other, I do hope that it does happen. I do wish that my life the way I feel will change to having someone so dear that it makes me happy and content.

For fun I thought to check out my astrology just to see what it said about who would be the best match for me. It's weird they got all the different symbols and signs of our birth and blah, blah eventually figured I it out. Anyhow, I looked at mine to see who I would be best compatible with, I read that I am more compatible with Scorpio and goes the same with Cancer, ain't that weird?

I say weird because my daughters dad is a Cancer, my thought was "Oh I guess I screwed that one up, didn't I?" Nothing can be changed on that. But the number one sign that was most compatible, the Scorpio, "the Scorpio" it stated that we were meant to be, warning to not lose one another because we are a keeper, a perfect match. My thoughts was "wow", it worked out for my friends in Moab, they're signs was a perfect match for sure. Both are capricorn and they match prefectly, which you wouldn't think that both signs could work, but they do.

I tell you what they are so happy even in their lowest times, when you look at them looking at each other in love it makes you ill. With me, that is the way I see couples, when they are lovey dovey it just doesn't set well in my tummy, "grose". It's amusing that couples think it funny to say these things to them, so I don't mind say'n it to my friends and family, it's sick!

Making progress

Making the jump in the knitting that I am still working on, it has been a project that seems to take a little longer than I expected. Maybe cause I'm a little under the weather and try'n to see things the way that they are suppose to be seen? I am not quite sure still try'n to figure things out. All I know for now is that we are going to Durango, Colorado for a week to help with the VBS week at Grace Church located in Durango. I am excited to volunteer and do something with the kids. Especially mine, I am always amazed at the things that they do and how much they enjoy the projects that they have scheduled for the evening.

Last night we went to VBS at the Church of Christ of Kayenta and it was delightful, along for the help are people that are from out of town helping with the VBS also fun! They are young people that are fresh and so optimistic in all that they do. I looked into all the fresh young faces that they are and there to serve the Lord in so much to be so kind hearted with everything. They did make it fun and the kids just loved the time with them.

The knitting has been slow for me lately and I apologize for the inconvenience of the whole "what in the world?" I have been lacking in the purpose of the knitting memoirs, but then again maybe not? Yes this is a memoir of things that go on on a day to day bases and it is does along with knitting. I do let you in on the knitting projects that I am doing and so fourth. Just ignore the questions of my intent, at times I don't even know either.

On to the time of my memoirs, yesterday my uncle and his wife, along with his son my cousin brother, came out from Waterflow, NM. They were just being tourists hanging out around the beautiful area of Monument Valley and wanting to head on out to Canyon De Chelly. I had asked if they wanted me to guide them down the Valley and just hang out, and they accepted my cordual way of inviting myself. For me I was glad that I asked because it was the most funnest and absolutely beautiful drive to a place that I see time and time again. You never get tired of seeing the handy work of our God.

The way it starts out is that the other day I received a call from a phone number that was a 505 number, I thought to myself I better call this back. That day I was boiling beans forthe kids and I, a little family like ours and me making a big pot of chili beans? For what reason is this for? In the past actually when I start to make a big meal that I think it is gonna go to waist at that thought it's always for a reason. When I received the call I was ecstatic to hear the voice on the other line, my cousin. My Yazh's (uncle, my son in Navajo) son to be specific one of his sons, so at that moment I had to make at least one good guess at who it could be. Definitely not Lorne . . . . . . . maybe Leotis, but not . . . . . . I know? It is Kirk, Oh man Kirk!

I hadn't seen him since way back in I think it was December or January in the parking lot of Wal-mart with my sister in Farmington, NM. My kids were with us at the time and it was so funny, Payton my son was harp'n on me on wanting to go to the bathroom. At the time he was 4 yrs old, poor boy I was in the moment just talk'n away visiting along with my sister and my son snuck behind my sisters vehicle and urinated in the parking lot where no one could see him. At least for me I noticed a small river of liquid flowing near us. I gasped out loud at it and then chuckled afterwards with apology. My sister didn't find that too amusing but Kirk did point out, "it's okay at least for now that he is just a kid, remember he is going to grow up and be a man. So it is not going to be so cute or amusing anymore, many find that kind of stuff offensive."

I took that into consideration and told my son, "you need to be careful when you want to go to the bathroom. Watch out for yourself especially when you become an older boy and when that time comes you'll have to use the restrooms available nearby." He understood and went on pretend playing while waiting for us. That was the last that I saw of him, until this past week, the time was so fun and sad to see them go.

When he called and told me that they were in town I knew there was something fishy going on, there was a reason I made chili beans today! To top it off making the fry bread to go along with the beans, "YUM", so I told him what I was doing and to come on over to feast. We ended the conversation after that just so they could get settled in to their motel in Kayenta. Soon after that I drove over to the motel to lead them the way to our home, we shook hands and hugged then visited for awhile and off to the feasting we went. I felt bad for my uncle Hansen he was exhausted from getting up early that day and then gett'n on their way, he loved and adored my kids so much as you know one should. So did my lovely aunt Cathrine, they indulged and reveled in the company of the little rats that I have. I proceeded to make the dough for the bread and also setting the table, but then Cathrine offered to help and made the rest of the fry bread for us and it was delicious for us all. Ending the night with full bellies and looking forward to having a good nights rest.

The next morning I got up at 5:30 am in the morning to get ready and full of excitement to having more visiting to do, also guiding them to Monument Valley, UT. A place that my dad derived from and where my dads family still dwell. I waited enjoying my coffee for the morning and gett'n the needed things for the kids and for myself, checking the jeep for how much fuel was in there and also icing down waters and sodas in the ice chest. The time came to go and meet the family at 8 am and head on out, proceeding toward the View where the motel and resturant were. Went through the visitors gate, cause you we are Navajo's, privileged to enter without paying a fee. We drove up toward the Motel and parked in the designated area, got out and walked to the motel restaurant.

I have to tell you if you ever get a chance to go to Monument Valley, UT go to the View to stay or eat it is worth the breathtaking view. That morning, of course it is my first time having breakfast there, they had buffet, good food that was prepped accordingly. We were asked if we wanted a table away from the sun or a table by the window? We chose the one by the window, it was all and everything to see the smiles on all the Happy people there.

Sat down at our table and just visited some more, with coffee and water, the kids to my surprise was on their best behavior than I have seen in a long time. I enjoyed it. We looked out the view of the Monument Valley that was breathtaking and awesome. You can see for almost many miles, to see the Ute Mountain and the mountains of Blanding, Monticello, UT. Then toward the southeast is the Mountains near Teesnospos, AZ. all the Four Corners area, very pretty. We had a very good breakfast that they had in display, fresh scrambled eggs, crispy bacon and sausage, fruit, yogurt, wheat and white bread with a toaster to for your conveiniece. It also displayed even french toast, "YUM".

All was delightful and delicious, we proceeded to the gift shop connecting to the restaurant with arts and crafts that were for the spendy. Beautiful handcrafted sterling silver jewelry, hand crafted pottery with designs that explode with Native American Indian Beauty. They also had John Wayne memorabilia too, of course there is a picture of my nali (grandpa) on the wall participating on a sand painting for a ceremony. Picture was taken in 1958, my cousin and aunt said that it was too bad that he wasn't looking at the camera. I know but a have a similar picture of a shot of his face and working on the same sand painting on the ground.

The time was spent in awe, of all the things that they had inside, we proceeded outside and sat out on the balcony over looking the scenery once again toward the Valley. Taking it all in and enjoying the warm sun and the fresh smell of the desert. We took pictures with the family and the kids, then off we went down the Valley, the roads were rough and terrainial so we went slow. My son sat in the back of their truck that we took and we kept going down the road. stopped and checked out the Three Sisters rock and went up a bit toward the vendors that were selling their beautiful jewelry. There the tourist got their pictures taken sitting a horse over looking the famous Mittens and the Three Sisters. Not sure how much they charged for that but it was fun for them to be where they made the John Wayne Movies. Where the vendors were selling was where John Ford filmed his movies. It's so fun to be out there and imagine the west that they portrayed, the Texas that they made it to be, desolate and the way the west was at their trying times.

It was warm, the sun beating down on us and you could feel the dry climate in your body. Good thing we brought alot of water, it's good to bring water out there even though your not gonna do any major hiking. I find that even when I am just sitting there for a long period of time and under the shade that I get dehydrated. It's brutal out there when you are not use to it, now my family they can endure the long heated days out there and be fine. They are not complaintive of the scorching weather, not like me, but trying to get use to the fact that it is something that you have to train your body to do. With that heat in Monument Valley you can notice it in your mouth, cotton mouth and the bitter taste, when you notice that, get some water fast!

We stopped at the vendors and saw the talents of my people, they are special to endure the heat all day long to display their blessed gift. I saw many jewelry that I wanted and thought later when I am into some money I'm going to take trip there and shop from them. I took over the driving to show them around and took them to scenic view that I remembered my grandma's picture was taken. This photo of her was absolutely gorgeous, she has that look that is unforgettable and gentle. In photos she never looks straight into the camera, only shows her side view of herself, I was told that she really didn't care too much for the camera, but when she did she made that photograph beautiful.


At that spot aunt Cathrine loved the scene of the valley, we headed on down back to the View parking lot. Got ourselves situated and they headed on their way with one of Gods majestic beauty that He bestowed upon us. That day they headed on to their next stop, Canyon De Chelly, now that is one of my favorite places to visit too. All these places are even more beautiful when the rains come in the spring time awesome and worth it. I do hope that this trip they got to take time to see was unforgettable and hope they felt blessed. Iknow that I felt blessed that they were here with my kids and me.

What to do

Hey folks of the knitting world or peeps that live in the world, hopefully having a great day! I am, just yesterday I received my first order that I need to make for a good pal of mine, she is from Meeker, CO. What she ordered will be my first item of creation that she wanted and so I have the creation in my head to make this back pack for her. So I am excited to get it done to see how it turns out then that would be part of the display as well. I have a purse that I was working on, I posted the picture of the progress on my blog, I have yet to finish.

Business has been slow, still I was wanting to go to Durango, CO to spend some quality time with my folks and sister. I miss them, I miss them more when they come to visit and then go again, my heart is heavy laden. They are the greatest folks around that are not selfish and I know my dad he just loves his grand kids to the end. So much that he don't mind going broke for them, the same goes for my sister, she is unlike any sister that I know. They do generate the love that comes with helping and trying to take care of the little rats that I take with me, just kidding they aren't rats. At times they can be, you know my son is starting to grow out of his ratness. He is sorta my rock when it comes to life. I get frustrated at times with trying to take care of my kids and their needs. The bills that need to be paid, just the usual that everyone endures too.

The other day I got mad at God and kept screaming at Him, which at times I do from time to time. One of the question was "do you even love me?" "To try to help me, taking care of my children's needs, are you even there to even hear me!" "You don't love me!" "If you did you would be helping me!" So I carried on and on and my son Payton put his adoring hand on my shoulder and said, "mom don't say those things to God, He does love you, He does care for you and He will help you". He went on to tell me to take deep breaths and calm down, he even showed me how to do it, this little guy is only 5 yrs old and he is more grown up than me. So then I carried on with asking God to forgive me, I even prayed crying again when my son entered the room and held me on the floor and said, "Oh mom you'll be alright and we will be okay, God loves you mom", "Don't cry mom I love you". Now at that moment I felt like the richest mother in the world to be held by your son that is so precious and has such a heart as that.

So that is the reason I call him my rock, I miss him when he has to go to his dads for a visit and I kinda feel empty with out him. I can't imagine that with my daughter too. That is another story that will come to pass later in life, I only pray that my daughter will not be bitter toward me. That she will grow up strong and enlightened daily with our Lord, I know that she will, she will have a truthful heart and a mind of stone to go along with it. She's already stubborn. We fight each other but I try to teach her that what she does is wrong, such as hitting me on the face. That has got to stop and hitting her brother too, that has really got to stop. Day by day she is learning hopefully get better when she is out of her terrible two's./z/zz///z/z/z/Zz, sorry my daughter put her signature on the computer. "She is a cutie" she is definitely the funny one she always makes her brother laugh and tickles him, it is so funny how she does that.

I guess if I were to predict her as a grown up, would be as Audry Hepburn, graceful and funny at the same time. I know that here on the reservation she does turns heads with the Navajo women, they just think that she is just beautiful. I guess it is the light skin she has, beautiful olive skin, lighter than her brother, in Navajo they call her pure white, clear, there is a Navajo word for that but I am not sure how to spell it. It sounds like this "twilly" that is how it sounds as if it were with words. "Twilly girl" is what they call her, also "ligai" meaning white, in Navajo they call her "little white girl". They really don't have much words for Payton except "chi" the grandmothers call him that, it is so cute "my chi", that means grandpa in Navajo.

Yea, they really don't have much to say of me, I am a different kind of sort, I have my own self that God made me to be. Try'n to find my way in this world that we live in, I was thinking of moving to Shiprock, NM closer to my folks and closer to the bigger town. I should'a moved there first, Kayenta is a nice place but I guess I'd feel alot better closer to my family near Durango, CO. But we will see of that is the answer for us all, need income and this around here ain't doing it.

"Sha-a-w"

There is no meaning in that at all, this morning I was putting some poetry entry in my other blog, that is one of the other passion that I have. I have tried to put everything in words cause there is so much in little brain of mine, the last couple of days have been frustrating to me. I have knitting and have my knitting stuff but no business. I really don't want to take it out and sell it around here, cause they won't sell, I hate to sound like a "meany : <". The people around here only spend when it is a nice traditional item or cheap. If I took them out to the sales outside of the reservation then they will sell great cause they appreciate the work and time. Here, when I take out my knit stuff, they look at it as if it were not worth the price at all. It's frustrating for me to sell around here. Then I try to build a website and that is not even going on the ball. What is it that I need to do?

I guess that I just need to just hang in there and wait to see what happens, "yikes" maybe if I wait and wait then all of the sudden. "BOOM", there is going to be many orders coming in? Isn't that the way it works, "be careful for what you wish for". At least that is what comes from the lottery winners and then they get in trouble. You know sometimes I wish that I was a lottery winner, wouldn't that just be something else. I'd probably go bankrupt fast!

So here it is, I'm laying out on the table, I'm a single mother just wait'n on the child support to pay the bills that shelters my daughter and gives her the comforts of home. I'm waiting and waiting, meanwhile the check doesn't come in and I am festering and crying out to the Lord to help put some money in the bank account. I know you all are probably thinking, "then get off your butt and make money". That's the problem with me is that I'm a goof when it comes to making money.

I need some kind of strategy and a plan to go out there and advertise my products, so today I am gonna go out and sell wholesale on jewelry. I hope that will work out perfect, if not that perfect, then I'll settle for good. Then again I'm not sure what to do, I know first thing that I need to call my dad to help me pay for a bill that is late and then we'll be good. So that is the story of the knitters memoir, pretty sad huh? In every thing there has to be a season and a time to go through this depressing stage.

I know my friends and family are making the "buck" they can they have education and a the smarts to do what they can. I did the coal mining thing then moving out here to think that they would hire me in a heart beat, that was a joke, no hire, no acceptance. That was hard to swallow, with all the experience with the time that I had on the coal mine, then they don't even want to give me a try. That is the way the cookie crumbles I guess and now I am struggling to find that something to keep my family afloat it is tough, tough times is no joke.

I know what I want and to get there takes more money, more time and more effort than what I'm dishing out. Hoping that it all gets better and that the way is not too far away, I know the Way, the Truth and the Light, He's there with me. I just need to seek Him more than I do, more intimately. That is the way to success, the key to an abundant life, more peaceful and fulfilling life, I need that. Oh does my spirit and soul need that, and my body, "big time".

So guess what I am going to get down on knees and pray, do what Forrest Gump did and go to Church and praise God. Gett'n "Bubba Gump" started and going big time. Get peace and fulfillment like Leutinent Dan, peace like the rainbow, oh how I long to have that. Just a little extra.

Just let go

You know there are times you need to just let go of thoughts that dread your mind, need to unjam it some how, some way. I found that when you write it paper it seems to ease the pressure off your mind. For instance I am some what of a romantic, I hold a memory of a certain man in my life that I can't seem to get rid of. Especially when I knit or read in my quiet times, mostly the memory and fantasy comes around when I am driving, listening to music. Yes the fantasy part I am working on to not happen too much, when people fantasise too much it becomes a sickness. I don't want to be sick that way.

Much more is when I listen to the music that is so beautiful. Music such as Yanni, wonderful and beautiful music that takes you away, the memories surface and I have to stop myself to thinking of them . This entry is a different kind of story, I guess once in awhile you have to let your passion come through and go on again living life. For myself it is a way to release this, I guess you can say a love that still keeps me spell bound. So for myself it is a healing process, to one day this will go away. To make a way to really let go,that I can or I will go on, really go on.

It starts out this way in my own words, I usually write thoughts on paper and keep it for a rainy day, a day like today. I think I'm gonna reveal myself in a poetic way and see if it helps.

To my dearest one, one that I dream of, you're in my mind, my heart and in my soul. How can I just forget your love, your touch the way you haunt me day and night in my memories?

What can I do? Nothing, so I carry on in life with you in my mind tucked away. When will you surface? Of course everyday to every other day you do, then my mind carries away in the moments when we were together, "oh joy" and "unending rapture". Hopeless is the way I feel, I know we can never be together again, but only in memory can we be.

I can't go on with this life with you in me, in my memories, I need to break away. I cry out to God to take those memories and thoughts of you away, in this I ask daily. For Him to erase the times of passion I still hold dear to my heart, but I am afraid to let go. I am an abandoned ship wandering out at sea, with no captain to take me away, no life to hear cheers as we abound to land, non to hear the life that is so big.

Who am I? I am a prisoner with no pictures of you only in memory, I wonder how you are. But alas none compare to all that I have loved, there is none like you that loves the way you do. The gentleness in your eyes of beautiful blue, your lips, how they taste of warm mint in mine mouth. I keep those in my memory in tack, I am afraid to lose them, to forget, yet they torment me day and night.

You are my little secret treasure I keep in my heart and mind tucked away so no one can see, only does God sees what is in mine heart, mine heart of desire. I think too, that I shall keep you till the one day that I will die. My love keep well, be happy and know that you're my treasure, my undying treasure in mine heart.

More knitting and Shinali

Hey, hows the day after Fourth of July? The grandparents and my little family had a great time together and the fireworks here in Kayenta was wonderful. We had a grilling of delicious short ribs and hot dogs, "yum" the kids and I hung out by the hot coals and roasted marshmallows, it was absolutely picturesque. It was what I wanted between the kids and I the mother, that moment that they enjoyed the simple fun of roasting marshmallows.

The scene that I had seen was walking up to the kids while they were sitting on their lawn chairs just watching the clouds above at late sunset, looking and enjoy'n the breeze. Sitting by the hot coals waiting for me to arrive with the forks to put marshmallows on and start at the fun. What a time in life that I will never forget, at that moment I felt so blessed to be able to spend this time with the kids instead of working triple time at the coal mine.

That was what we did last night and then at about 10 pm we witnessed the big firework display in Kayenta, it was spectacular and eventful with the whole neighborhood just agast and cheering for joy. It ended up that it rained and did it rain, but that didn't stop them firing off the display and I was so happy that we sat by the front door and watched the fireworks. The kids really was not interested in the event but the grandparents and I did, we laughed and cheered along with the crowd. I loved it!

Today the grandparents headed on back to Durango, Colorado that is where home is for them. Mom and Dad live with my sister who is a year younger than me. I also have a li'l brother that lives there with his beautiful wife and daughter, they all missed our mom and dad. I felt so blessed that they stayed with us and I didn't want them to leave. I know that my kids are gonna want them back, especially the li'l girl, my daughter Haiden. She just loves them so much and when she plays she pretends to talk to her grandma or grandpa on the play phone, it's so cute! To say the least we are all worn out from being active and cooking all this week and eating all the time, I swear I gained at least 5 more pounds. I don't why that is when family are around you gain weight? I guess you cook better for family than yourselves, I know that my kids eat better than me they tell me what they want and at times I go ahead make what I have in my little brain for the night. Now I remember, I almost forgot that I mentioned something of my grandpa, as you noticed at the title that I said my shinali that is Navajo for my grandpa on my dads side.


Here goes on the subject of this amazing man I call my shinali or "nali" no one knows when he was born, he has no birth certificate. His name was Billy Yellow, he was a medicine man that knew of the many herbs of the earth that was around our area and used them. Very disciplined at renewing his body through sweat lodges and with teas that cleansed his body. He had regimens that he was faithful to, till the day of his passing.

I didn't know him like my cousins knew him, they have many fond memories of him and also of my grandmother, I regret not knowing them that way. Although I do enjoy listening to the stories that they tell me of him and how wise he was in all that he did, my dad told me of wisdom that came from my grandpa and we are a Christan family that believes in the Bible. He would say this is what grandpa use to tell me and this where the same thing says in the Bible also. I thought that was always encouraging to hear the teachings come from my dad from my "nali". My nali was a man that didn't speak english very much, he was more fluent in Navajo, that too I regret not knowing the language, we did have a language barrier between us and our nali's (grandma and grandpa). But we did have the love connection that I will always remember especially with my grandmother, she loved us regardless of the language barrier.

I remember one time my nali's the grandma and grandpa were heading out one morning from our home in Moab, UT and I was asleep in my room. I heard the commotion in the kitchen and I knew that they were heading out back home to Monument Valley, so I dosed off again. Grandma came into my room and sat beside me on the bed and I would say I was 18 or 19 yrs old at the time, she was gently brushing my hair with her fingers. So then I awoke to her talking in Navajo to me and she smiled at me in a loving kind way. I sat up from my sleep to hold on to her and told her that I loved her, I can still remember the way she smelled, I remember the gentleness of her hands, these things I will always keep in my heart. The smile that was so beautiful that you can not ever forget, I guess she told me that I needed to go back to sleep and she was on her way back home.

I would of given any thing to know and to communicate words to my nali's, they then headed on out back home. My grandpa on the other hand was not that way toward us, he had a sense of tough love attitude and I was a softy, I would sense that he was not happy with us. I mean I knew that he loved us, and I'm sure he wished for more Navajo for us and I don't blame my parents for that barrier, I'd rather kick myself not wanting to learn than to blame my parents, cause you know I was able to learn and I could'a learned.

My grandpa Billy was popular with the Japanese and the Germans, they would always photograph him and visit him in Douglas Mesa where he resided most of the time. Today you can see him on post cards and he is in videos that show his ceremonial practices, he is probably one of the last genuine medicine men of our time. I really don't think that there is the real thing on the reservation, maybe I'm wrong and maybe I'm just saying this because he was my grandfather. All I know is that when I talk to others that have a problem it seems that they have to put more money in the ceremony that they want to have done, then there was my nali not selfish to help others out and is sincere in what he is doing.

My nali was an avid builder of hogans, he took much pride and patience in his building work, that was a dying art that he took with him. There are marks of hogans that he had built, they are in Castle Valley, UT tucked away against the red rocks of Castle Valley. I haven't took the time to go back and see the hogan again, he created friendships with those that were interested in the healing herbs. I know that Billy left wonderful impressions on people that he met, in turn my family were invited to events of the ones that befriended my nali. I remember that we were invited to a wedding and it was something at a young age that I had never witnessed in my life. New Age people that practiced the Native American Indian ceremonial way, it was interesting to see these people imbrace the way of the Native American Indian People. They were just happy and peaceful in the ceremony, I have to admit that I was proud to be who I was even though I didn't practice the way. It made me look at my nali differnt that he was somebody, he did leave his mark on many and did so many things in his life. I'm happy that before he passed that he did live life to the fullest and enjoyed every minute of it.

My grandfather passed away September 15, 2003 with his kids and family beside him, his age was unknown at the time of his passing. I'm pretty sure he could had lived a bit longer in his life to see more of his great grand kids, maybe another 2-3 yrs more he had it in him. I know that he cherished life and appreciated it more than many at the time, he was faithful to pray daily and to do his singing to heart. All that he practiced and did was not for show but from the heart of who he was. Even though my dad raised us with Jesus being our Savior my dad loved his dad and taught us to respect him and his ways. My dad taught us respect others even though you don't understand them, just love them like Jesus loves us, because He loves those that don't believe or don't care for Him. I kept that understanding in my heart for my nali.

4th of July!

Happy Fourth of July knitting friends, I am just drinking a good cup of coffee and relaxing, the last two days have been kind'a stressful. I'm try'n to keep my ever heavy head up, working on a purse that looks cute I was going to make it with a flower material in the lining, but it won't look good that way. So I decided to do the denim again, the next purse is going to have the flower pattern. I do have to get some more of the heather yarn, I am running out of the yarn that I have come to love so much. I found some online and intend to purchase it and use it for my knitting projects. They come in a array of colors that are warm and so delightful, then I was needing to make more jewelry to put on the website. So much to do and so little time, doing all in ones list.

This is the project that I have been working on, still working on finishing the strap of the purse and the final interior lining. I always get excited of the outcome of the final tasks, I am excited for this purse I just hope who ever purchase it will be happy with it.

Today we are going to have the Fourth of July here in Kayenta, AZ and grill some burgers and hot dogs. Good old fashion grilling, then later tonight the town is suppose to hold a huge fireworks display, this is going to be the first for all of us to spend the holiday here on the reservation. I'm excited for the kids and all of us to have this small family get together. I know that it's special for me, my son usually spends the fourth with his dad, every summer. This is the first for both of us to spend the fourth with our family, with divorce it is the one thing I really don't like, is on special holidays you don't have your kids at that time. But this is the way divorce is for some people, that is unfortunate but my ex-husband and I get along now. This was done for the sake of my son and it works out, besides we were together for many years and that accounts to hold friendships. I only hope the best for the father and his little family too! There are times that I feel different about the hope part and that is expected in any relationship, this happens when the ex is act'n like a horses butt toward you, then of course it changes. Only for a moment and we call each other back and apologize to one other, but that's seldom we get mad at toward each other.

Plans, plans do we really have enough time to do things? "Of course we do", I know that I can read a book, that is my latest past time that I put on my agenda of things to do each day. It has been nice to pick a book up and escape. Not only that but to inform your mind on each word and phrase that you look at, also in the way that the author speaks to you. The book that I'm reading is the Bridges in Madison County, I know, it's a common small book but I love the romance in the tale of two older adults in the middle of nowhere. I mean I'm in the middle of nowhere in hot AZ on the reservation, I'd like to dream of a tall blue eyed, hazel is good too, kinda blonde guy wander around here and have a little romance with him. I am a sucker for blonde's they make me fall to my knees, had rendezvous with blondie's that's how I had my two beautiful miracles. So reading has enlightened me and so I've made a vow to try to read a book to open my mind. I have this crazy dream to be a writer, at least I'd like to write a book and get it published and have that handed down to generations to generations. If I can make a mark in this life I'd like it to be through words for my kids and their kids. That way they can have history in the family tree, my grandfather made his mark in our family tree, he was a well known medicine man that was wise in the herbal medicines.

That is a man that needs to be written about so I'll tell you more of this remarkable man that I call my grandpa, lived to be 104 or more, he had no birth certificate and many known of him when they were little but at the time he was older in age. Then when he had passed away, they were in their late 80's or more they'd say this, amazing and here in Kayenta there is a beautiful Navajo lady that is 106 yrs old and walks around as though she's in her 60's so sweet. I know my grandpa used his herbs and ways of cleansing the traditional way to heal his body, he was faithful in keeping his body in check. More on him later I'm gonna enjoy this wonderful holiday and write on him tomorrow when I have more time, gonna get breakfast going and finish my purse that I have to finish. Laters knitting peeps and friends.

Try'n to knit, read, blah

What a week to reflect on the things that need to be done, yesterday we went to Moab, UT for a brief visit. It was good I had wished that we had stayed a little longer, but I was there with my folks and they wanted to head back quick. We loaded up the swamp cooler and some other stuff that I wanted to take to the flea market, I wanted to take more but there was no room. It was a nice day when we got there and not that hot like the weather radar said it'd be. We got to the house that my parents and the family grew up in and it was fixed up good, my uncle is remodeling it for my parents so when the housing market is good then they can sell it.

When we got there the kids were anxious to get out of the truck and out and about, we went inside the house and opened all the doors cause it was a little warm in there. My son Payt who is 5 yrs. old, walked around the rooms and spotted a lizard that was a foot long in length and I'd say 1" in width, pretty big and fat for a lizard. Now a days they are bigger than when we were young'ns, it was fun my son went around the house just try'n to get a hold of the li'l booger all of the sudden he caught it, it was a cute thing, my son was so proud. He then took it outside and let it lose into it's environment, I'd say that was a kodak moment. We went back inside the house to chill and enjoy the warm air in Moab. Payt meanwhile caught a glimpse of another lizard in one of the rooms, looked about the same size, so this time I joined in on the fun to try to catch the little reptile. I was on my hands and knees trying to see the li'l booger and nab it, we got the lizard cornered and my son yelled out, "there it is mom! Catch it!" I leaned over and carefully grabbed it, trying not to squish the darling. He/she looked somewhat adorable, I am a lover of reptiles, I think they are just dolls, so cute! I held the lizard in my hand and felt the smooth scales that he/she had, it was soothing to endure the touch of the lizard. My son on the other hand wanted to hold the li'l booger and so I didn't get to enjoy my time with the little guy. My son was again so proud he took him/she outside and set him down to go live their life. He then again went inside to see if he could find another lizard, Payt was so cute! My parents told us that we had to wash our hands, so we both did, then off we went outside try'n to get the swamp cooler in the truck and me looking at my stuff that I left in the garage.

I have many memories that I've put in boxes and they just sit in Moab, UT in a box in my parents old home there in the garage. I have lots of stuff from when I was in high school and ones that were from my twenties and there sits my pictures from my first marriage. The wedding pics I can't really look at, do ya know what I mean? When you look back at the pictures of your wedding it's not real when you look at it, I look at the both of us we were not happy at all. I now look at it and say "it was a joke", how could I have just made him marry me when he didn't even want me? Stupid, but now it is fixed and I don't have to endure nothing that pertains to relationships at all, I can focus on my kids and the things that I love so much. I am not working hard to support family when all along it doesn't matter what you have as long as you have what you need in life. For me it is easy to make sure the bills are paid every month and that there is a little left over for the kids to take out and play. My focus is for them and I to do as much as we can together and have them look back and say, "we sure had fun with mom even though we hardly had any money, I don't know how she pulled it off to create memories." That is my intentions and hope that they give that love and time to their little ones when they grow up. I do hope the best for my kids that they are strong and ambitious, I pray that they focus on God only in life and that friends are rarely there. Sometimes you can not depend on a persons word on anything, but you can count on strongly on Gods Word. He states that heaven and earth may fade away, get destroyed, but My Words will never fade, be destroyed or taken away.

That is the hope for my kids that they put Him above even me on their list. Knitting has been put on the back burner a couple of days, but yesterday I went to the flea market. I went to the flea market in town to sell some stuff that I got from Moab. I really didn't do that well, there was many people there that they seemed to just wander. I sat there hoping that they would buy something or all that I had. There are days the outcome is good and there are days when it wasn't even worth try'n. But I have to keep try'n even though, I know that this business is slow right now and I'm not sure when it will pick up, all I have to do is pray and seek and wait upon the Lord for that something to hit off. I have lost sight of God just a glimpse into something else, it seems other things turn me away from the Lord and then I am SOL, excuse my language. In all that who we are, we are only human and can't be perfect but we try at least.

Can't do much now that it is now 4th of July, I have to finish this entry and go to the next events that was going the last day or so. So sorry and bare with me on some of the things that I do, this is how it is when I write in my journal not so organized. We all can't be perfect, so we will see in the next entry.

What a Navajo knit freak!

I was sitting there just a doing my thing and thinking of all sorts of stuff to do, well I was looking on the internet and seen some great ideas. Such as the felting projects that are awesome and wonderful, they start out with a knitted item that is so pretty, then they put the purse in a pillow case and put it in the washer, mind you it has to be hot wash. Then after the wash is done it comes out felted, beautiful and I have to say my kind of style, I just love to see other creation made through other people. Did you know that each and everyone of us has a gifted talent? That just surprises me and just think that we carry a talent that we don't even know we have? Think for a moment, we live day after day, not knowing something we have that we posess within ourselves. I did, and I'm finally sharing my talent with others. I am a born again christain and to me God has given me a special talent, He really has.

I know that when I start a project it all of a sudden becomes something that just blossoms out to where "this is not what I was thinking of", but there it is, a project from God Himself. He shows Himself through me, to me that is awesome to see that project that is so pretty and sometimes so beautiful then to see someones face light up at what you made is a great thing to see too! There nothing better than to see a persons day lit up from what you have made with your own two hands, it's something eles. I have been thinking of projects that would catch a persons fancy, so I look and research people, mostly the young girls and women that carry their purses around. Me, I would like to think that I am a hippy girl at heart, loving and kind to the world even though sometimes I'm a little looney tunes myself. The born again hippy girl, I am a simple small town girl from Moab, UT that seen the remarkable changes from being a little town to what it is today, a recreation for the yuppies town. I love Moab, UT then again I love WY, my town up there in the middle of no where in Wright, I miss it there and the beautiful area in Sheridan, WY. I know alot of people may think I'm crazy to think that way of a God forsaken place like Wright, WY. To me there in that no mans land that I really found My Lord Jesus Christ, He took care of me and I really depended on Him in that way.

That is Gods Country in Wright, WY.

This is gonna have a point I'm sure of it just bare with me knitting peeps, I was in church here in Kayenta, AZ at the SBC we sang a song that reminded me of WY. I remember that I'd listen to KSLT radio station they always played the recent christain music that I absolutely loved. I didn't care much for Rapid City, SD but the christain radio station was my station and encourager in my everyday life. Ya, I had a life changing event for my self, got divorced and became a single mother with my son then try'n to make ends meet with working out in the coal mines. Worked in differnt areas of the construction field and they were fun and a vacation for me, then met I thought would be my soul mate but I was wrong. My daughters dad, what a man, at times I think of him and wonder how he is doing? Then I think I shouldn't even go there in my thoughts. Cause he don't care, he says he cares but there are certain people that think they do, but they don't. I don't know if you know what I mean, but that is that. Besides that I got a beautiful little girl out of it, and she is my world and now I know not no one can take that away from me not no one.

As I knit away, all these crazy things come up to me that I try not to think of, especially the one that you miss that you know you will never have. So I always tell Jesus, "please Lord God let me not think of him, take him out of my head, please" in my own way of pleading with Him to do that for me. Then "Poof" it is displaced from my thoughts, then I continue to knit again, there was a point then I got off track, "lol". Ya see I'm a wierdo, when it comes to putting things down from my thoughts, there goes that crazy NavajoChic once again to her woo is me trip, "lol". That's okay we all have that emptiness inside us and we tend to keep it bottled up when we should tell someone or even the world. I'm kind'a still hooked on that "stupid boy" I have to tell you that I love that song by Beyonce "If I were a boy" what if we were boys for one day? "Scarey", you have to go on with life as it is and look toward the heavens and get the strength that you need, we ourselves have no strength with out a higher strong spirit.

Just go on, go on with your talent that you've found and forget the world and let God create in you the beauty that is within you . You may think that life has no meaning but it does and then again your life maybe perfect with a white picket fence and that's great! But know that it ain't all that cracked up to be, ladies, girls, get up and find yourselves, get woman power and overcome the ones that have you under their thumb. "Screw it" go on a vacation to Europe, hike to the highest mountain and scream as loud as you can (make sure to bring water), give hugs and luvs to all your families. Who cares if they think you're crazy, tell that someone you love them, even if they don't love you back. Don't get mad, get girl happy, go sky diving, go skiing, run like Forrest Gump, do something that will enpower you. For me it's simple I knit.

Knittin 2day?

Not much to do today but really got going on the knitting part, what I mean is that my knitting gets going when I am upset. That is the relieving part of the craft is that if you are stressed or upset take the needles out and knit away. I have a 16 yr old cousin that stayed with me at my home and also my 2 kids, well, my day started out going to church and enjoy'n the time with God and family.

The time that we came home it concerned me that my cousin hadn't shown up last night, thinking that she was already home. That was not the case, she came home at 2:30 pm, she had left last night at 5:00 pm. Hello! No phone call? What the heck! I was upset, I was steamed when I asked where she was. Ignorance was in her court, just walked away with no response to the question, who does she think she is? Obvious she a teenager that is rebellious and ignorant in her ways, which hey, she's not my kid so what do I care? In a way I do, because I don't want any thing to happen to her, especially when she stay'n in my home. I do care that if anything should happen that I don't want to be the one to tell my aunt that something happen to her daughter, because I love my aunt.

I had to be the bad guy to confront her on the situation and she was not being respectful to me at all. Well, thank God I had my knitting needles there when waiting for my aunt to pick her up, I sat there and knitted away. Oh! That was, so just right for me, my level of being upset was down and calm to where I didn't care as long as I got my home back again. I got far on the knitting and so I was happy, I did talk to my aunt and we laughed and we talked. It was good, I enjoyed the time to know the reasons why and to explain the situation that was on hand. I hope that things will work out for that young soul, that she sees the respect is what needs to be in her life and not ignorance.

Let me tell you what when they left I felt a sense of relief and joy that the stress of having a teenager in the home was off my chest. When you are a single mother with 2 little ones it is tough to have teenagers and then to try to discipline them and get the respect from them. They don't have that, it makes me think of my little young ones that they are going to grow up, whatever happens I hope that I have done a good job at raising them. That it will show they are good wonderful kids, with my aunt she has many kids that she has to look after them, they are doing the best that they can. I'm just thankful that I have 2 kids, it makes me think that having many kids would be too much.

I don't know how they can do it? It takes love and patience to give to kids, even with my 2 little ones it is tough to be patient and to have that loving kindness for them. Especially tough when you have to love them and discipline them. I am not sure what many of you are thinking at the moment, all I have to say is that God and knitting go hand in hand. I pray that our lives will grow with overwhelming love and discipline.

I had that along with my sister when we were kids, my son, he shows me abundant love even when I am upset and angry in every situation. He makes me think that those little things to be upset over are nothing and shows me what matters most. He's my little blessing that God gave me reminding the love time and time again and also, I guess to rebuke me. Sounds silly huh? I have a little man that knows more than me at times and it is so funny to have that in your child, but in everyone of your children there is one that is the one that keeps you together no matte what.

I know that this is suppose to be about knitting, but this issue came up today and I thought to share the experience amongst those that love to knit cause we all have issues. Knitting makes all things seem, not so bad, cause of the clicking of the needles and the motion of the way you move your hands, it's soothing. I'm sure that ya know what I mean and that all have experienced the ups and downs of life we endure, now to my knitting peeps have a beautiful rest of the day and enjoy your knitting.

My Knitting

Hey, you know that I have found a new found love in the last recent years and that is knitting. I love the knitting art, it has a combination of relaxtion and accomplishment, I have always wanted to learn the craft of knitting. It has always been the passion for me to learn or to know of, well, I kept hearing of certain people knitting and of all people Julia Roberts was one of them. That in a funny way stunned me that an actress loved to knit in her past time on the set, I heard one guy say that she had made a scarf for him. To me that was awesome to hear that someone so talented in the acting world has a hobby that she loves to do and shares her gifts to others. so then I felt sorta jealous that she could knit, kind'a weird huh? Actually it's stupid, but it made me want to one day learn this trade of a hobby and from then on out I wanted to learn how to knit. All I have to say is that I am thankful that the E! news people or whom ever I heard this piece of information from, I am thankful.

I was at the computer one day and I was surfing the web just a browsing, when all of the sudden I thought for a moment that maybe I could find something on knitting. Sure enough there was, http://www.knittinghelp.com/ what a great web site on knitting tools and patterns. I had no idea that I could learn this trade of a hobby, I was estastic with joy and anxious to learn, I looked at the videos that had to watch. I looked and looked to try to see if there was any thing to help me out, there it was a video on how cast the yarn to start out. Then there was the video on how to start to the knit and so on to the purl and all that other beautiful techniques to learn to do. "Wow" I am a knitter after all these years of being blinded from this great hobby and now I own it to try to do more awesome things in the knitting world.

You just never know until you try it and then "hey" you are a hooked, soul seeking more of the thing that you sought for. I am so thankful that this has become a part of me and that I can do more, well, the next lesson is sock making that has been the ultimate task on trying to learn and even with me I am not a recipe reader where you have to follow along. No, not me the same with the pattern directions can't get it through this thick skull of mine. But you know I try to read the directions on what the heck they are talking about, still I just don't get it, but if I can get through this then I will be the ultimate knitter just like the rest of the great knitters in the past. Anyways, I have a website that diplays some of my creations, the one thing that I bring to the table is the purses and the caps. In the website I also make jewelry, that is the next passion that I have to tell you about.

What a wonderful past time to do is jewelry making, I also had no idea that I had it in me to don this beautiful work. You know I suprise myself in so many areas, but again you never know until you try it. Yes there is jewelry on the website, it's theme is Navajo. Which makes sense I am after all a Navajo woman, I was taught this remarkable hobby trade from my beautiful cousin that lives in Kayenta, AZ. She is so patient with everyone in our family and with others, does not matter how they treat her she is so kind to forgive and go on. Anyways, she offered to show me how to start and also she so good at business and what works and what doesn't around the area. In the first day I had made 5 necklaces and then the next day made earrings and more necklaces. Now I am hooked with delight and want to do more to add to the creation site! Now I am going to go in to a little of myself and the business that we have.

I am a woman that has always worked all my life since I was 13 yrs old, and I am glad that I did. This time of my life the last year or so I worked at a coal mine in WY and then I quit to come home to be with my family and to be a mom/mother to my little ones. You know when you work at the coal or any mine it takes away alot of time from your little ones that you want so much to spend time with. I am a single mother that loves my babies, working in construction can bring good benefit to your lives and such, but man it takes that precious time away from the ones that mean more than that.

So in all that thought that I wanted was not what I wanted at all, there was that thought that I wanted to quit and be a mother and be a homemaker to my kids. I took that initial step to sell everything that we had and go south for the rest of our lives. What a transition to making the big dough to not having any money to spend except for the essentials for our living.

I made a wise investment on spending more valuable time with the kiddos, so then I spent alot of time just a thinking away and knitting alot too! One day I thought to myself that I wanted to get a purse. Not just any old purse but the purse that was unique and my style that I love, sorta hippish and cute with a distinct sense of a vintage look that is warm. Could not find it anywhere! I got fed up and decided to make a purse that I liked and wanted, so I picked out the color that I thought would suit me. Off I went to knitting my purse, I had no idea that I was wanting to knit more similar ones to it and selling them, then had the idea that I wanted to make felted mini hand bags. All of the sudden it turned another corner and jewelry making came into the picture! To let you know that this is a small business that is still try'n to get the word out to take a look at my stuff. I'll have to give you all my website address http://dphknitcreationstuff.yolasite.com/ I hope you like the good stuff that I have and hope that you will take the time to see all that I made and maybe you can do or have already tried to want to have some encouragement. Just keep try'n to get it right and if you don't succeed the first time try again.