Tuesday, July 14, 2009

What to do

Hey folks of the knitting world or peeps that live in the world, hopefully having a great day! I am, just yesterday I received my first order that I need to make for a good pal of mine, she is from Meeker, CO. What she ordered will be my first item of creation that she wanted and so I have the creation in my head to make this back pack for her. So I am excited to get it done to see how it turns out then that would be part of the display as well. I have a purse that I was working on, I posted the picture of the progress on my blog, I have yet to finish.

Business has been slow, still I was wanting to go to Durango, CO to spend some quality time with my folks and sister. I miss them, I miss them more when they come to visit and then go again, my heart is heavy laden. They are the greatest folks around that are not selfish and I know my dad he just loves his grand kids to the end. So much that he don't mind going broke for them, the same goes for my sister, she is unlike any sister that I know. They do generate the love that comes with helping and trying to take care of the little rats that I take with me, just kidding they aren't rats. At times they can be, you know my son is starting to grow out of his ratness. He is sorta my rock when it comes to life. I get frustrated at times with trying to take care of my kids and their needs. The bills that need to be paid, just the usual that everyone endures too.

The other day I got mad at God and kept screaming at Him, which at times I do from time to time. One of the question was "do you even love me?" "To try to help me, taking care of my children's needs, are you even there to even hear me!" "You don't love me!" "If you did you would be helping me!" So I carried on and on and my son Payton put his adoring hand on my shoulder and said, "mom don't say those things to God, He does love you, He does care for you and He will help you". He went on to tell me to take deep breaths and calm down, he even showed me how to do it, this little guy is only 5 yrs old and he is more grown up than me. So then I carried on with asking God to forgive me, I even prayed crying again when my son entered the room and held me on the floor and said, "Oh mom you'll be alright and we will be okay, God loves you mom", "Don't cry mom I love you". Now at that moment I felt like the richest mother in the world to be held by your son that is so precious and has such a heart as that.

So that is the reason I call him my rock, I miss him when he has to go to his dads for a visit and I kinda feel empty with out him. I can't imagine that with my daughter too. That is another story that will come to pass later in life, I only pray that my daughter will not be bitter toward me. That she will grow up strong and enlightened daily with our Lord, I know that she will, she will have a truthful heart and a mind of stone to go along with it. She's already stubborn. We fight each other but I try to teach her that what she does is wrong, such as hitting me on the face. That has got to stop and hitting her brother too, that has really got to stop. Day by day she is learning hopefully get better when she is out of her terrible two's./z/zz///z/z/z/Zz, sorry my daughter put her signature on the computer. "She is a cutie" she is definitely the funny one she always makes her brother laugh and tickles him, it is so funny how she does that.

I guess if I were to predict her as a grown up, would be as Audry Hepburn, graceful and funny at the same time. I know that here on the reservation she does turns heads with the Navajo women, they just think that she is just beautiful. I guess it is the light skin she has, beautiful olive skin, lighter than her brother, in Navajo they call her pure white, clear, there is a Navajo word for that but I am not sure how to spell it. It sounds like this "twilly" that is how it sounds as if it were with words. "Twilly girl" is what they call her, also "ligai" meaning white, in Navajo they call her "little white girl". They really don't have much words for Payton except "chi" the grandmothers call him that, it is so cute "my chi", that means grandpa in Navajo.

Yea, they really don't have much to say of me, I am a different kind of sort, I have my own self that God made me to be. Try'n to find my way in this world that we live in, I was thinking of moving to Shiprock, NM closer to my folks and closer to the bigger town. I should'a moved there first, Kayenta is a nice place but I guess I'd feel alot better closer to my family near Durango, CO. But we will see of that is the answer for us all, need income and this around here ain't doing it.

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